You are enough Mama!
It’s been too long since my last post here. Meanwhile I’ve become a mum to a joyful, gorgeous, little girl we named Sienna and Clive and I are on top of the world!
The path up until her birth was one riddled with anxiety for me. I have always wanted my own family but I never imagined that I would give myself such a hard time in the process of getting there. I want to share the story because reading the story of others helped me deal with my anxiety. I hope that, perhaps, this might help someone too. Writing here is also, in itself, therapeutic.
Just as I went into the 2nd Trimester I began bombarding myself with untrue thoughts. The likes of ...
You are not good enough to be a mother! You need to be more perfect! This is too big of a responsibility, you can't handle it! What if you hurt or damage your child psychologically? What if you become mentally ill and can't take care of them? What if you disappoint your partner? What if you are a bad mother?
I remember seeing the posts below written by some of our lifetime's thought leaders for the first time and a switch just went off in my head! The anxiety began to fade.
Really? I can actually choose not to believe the thoughts that pop into my mind?
I read up more on Daniel Amen's work about killing ANTs, our Automatic Negative Thoughts and as I applied the below, the anxiety continued to fade.
Here's how to kill ANTs
For whenever you feel sad, mad, nervous, or out of control, do the following:
Write down your automatic negative thoughts (ANTs). The act of writing down the ANTs helps to get the invaders out of your head.
Identify the ANT species. There are 9 types of ANTs. ANT Types All-or-Nothing ANTs: Thinking that things are either all good or all bad Less-Than ANTs: Comparing and seeing yourself as less than others Just-the-Bad ANTs: Seeing only the bad in a situation Guilt-Beating ANTs: Thinking in words like should, must, ought, or have to Labeling ANTs: Attaching a negative label to yourself or someone else Fortune-Telling ANTs: Predicting the worst possible outcome for a situation with little or no evidence for it Mind-Reading ANTs: Believing you know what other people are thinking even though they haven’t told you If-Only and I’ll-Be-Happy-When ANTs: Arguing with the past and longing for the future Blaming ANTs: Blaming someone else for your problems
Ask yourself if the thought is true. Are you 100% sure it’s true?
Ask yourself how you feel when you have the thought. Then ask how you would feel without the thought.
Make ANT-killing a daily habit. Killing the ANTs takes practice. You can’t just do it once and think you’ve mastered your thinking patterns. When you make it a daily practice, you will feel freer, less anxious and depressed, and less trapped in past hurts or losses.
If I believed every single thought I had I would not have achieved anything in my life: My job, my physical appearance, my mental fortitude, my partner and our child. Our brains want to keep us safe so when you try to step out of your comfort zone, do something you perceive as BIG, it throws you curve balls you wouldn't even believe.
My message here is that you are enough Mama! Just do the internal work with yourself, manage your mind and you will get there.
If you ever stopped to contemplate what type of mother you want to be and how you can be the best version of you for your child, you are enough!
If you are afraid to do something which you know in the end is what you want or will be good for you - DO IT ANYWAYS and work through the fear and the lies your brain tells you, you are enough! I have now erased the you are enough mama from my bedroom mirror because now I know I’m enough. If ever I have a doubt enter my mind I now know how to deal.
I hope this little piece I put together was helpful or inspiring in some way. That way you can show up as a better version of you, one day at a time!
Should you be interested in my health coaching you, get in touch here
Lisa